What is Love?

Every time I ask people "What is love?" it never fails that someone starts to sing the song What Is Love by Haddaway.  I am sure you have heard it, and to be honest every time I ask people about love I think about the song too.  For the next hour the song is stuck in my head as I sing the opening over and over, and contemplate one of life's mysteries (I mean love...not the song by Haddaway.).  Have you ever thought about what love is?  I don't just mean romantic love, but also friendship love and love for family members.  The Greeks had different words for these different types of love, so that it would be easier to distinguish them, but I want to talk about what makes them the same.  



Romance

Every person desires to love and to be loved, and most of us believe that we cannot be happy without it.  We will search all of our lives for real love, yet how many people actually know what love is?  If you were to ask around you would hear so many answers.  Some people say love is a great emotion.  Some people say love is lust.  Some people say it is an instinct, and some people do not even believe in love.  One of my favorite answers I received was "Love is when momma gives daddy the last chicken nugget." I love that answer, because I think it is closest to the truth. 

I propose to you that love is not a great emotion; although emotions can be important.  Love is not lust, which is a perversion of attraction; although attraction can be important.  Love is not an instinct; although we always have the desire to love.   I propose to you that love is a free decision to give oneself for the better of the other. 



Friendship

I know some of you are thinking that I am crazy.  I bet you grew up thinking love was an emotion like I thought.  Now I am not here to say that you do not have emotions or that they are not important; In fact I think they are extremely important.  I think they make it easier to choose to love, but I do not think they are love.  Ask yourself how many times do your emotions change every day?  If you are like me then probably a lot. I am sure you do not always feel good towards the ones you love.  I bet there are days when they press your buttons, but you still choose to love them.  The emotions just make it easier to love.  The best example that I can think of is Jesus Christ as he carries his own cross to his own crucifixion.  Do you think he felt jolly about it?  No way!  He felt awful, but he chose to love.  He chose to give his life for our good.  He freely chose to die for our sins, so that if we chose to love then we could be with him forever in heaven.  Now, imagine the emotion he has when we accept that invitation.  Imagine the joy he feels when we repent.  Emotions are important, but love is the decision to give yourself for the better of the other. 



Family

Love is not lust or attraction.  Lust is the opposite of love.  Lust is use.  When a person lusts after another person then he or she is using the other person for his or her own gratification.  Attraction is different from lust.  Attraction is a good thing.  Attraction is God given.  There can be a lot of sexual attraction in romantic love, but usually not in the other types of friendships.  The difference between attraction and lust can seem small, but the consequences can be great.  Imagine that I make a huge cake that looks like a 3-D sculpture of St. Peter's Basilica, and you walk into the kitchen and you see my creation, and you see it for what it is, and you see it's beauty.  You have respect for the artwork and the hard work it took to make.  Now imagine some other people come into the kitchen and see the St. Peter's Basilica cake and all they want to do is eat it, and they grab handfuls until they are satisfied.  They don't realize the detail or beauty of the decorations.  They miss the entire artwork and it's majesty.  Lust does the same thing.  When someone lusts after another he or she misses the entire person.  Attraction recognizes the beauty of the other person and brings people closer, but attraction is still not love; although attraction can be important, and it can help us to love. 

Love is not an instinct either.  Love has to be free.  It cannot be forced.  We have instincts like the animals, but we also have free will.  We can go beyond our instincts, and that freedom gives us the ability to love.  Now, to those people who do not believe in love I am sorry you think that way.  Maybe this type of love is something you can believe in.  Call me a romantic, but I believe in love, and I believe it can last forever too.  If love is a decision then you can choose to love at anytime.  If you continue to decide to love then that love can last forever.  It is really up to us to love.  No other creature on earth can do it, and that does make us special.  It is a major part of what makes us in the image of God, and when we love like Him that will satisfy our hearts.




P.S. Six weeks exams are coming up for the midshipmen.  You can choose to love them by praying for them.